New Year's Eve Party

I walked to Krylbo all by myself to get to the New Year's Eve party. It was quite nice to walk in the woods, though a bit scary thinking I am a girl completely alone and some  random man walks by with a systembolagetskasse in his hand. :P I had a great time with friends celebrating the new year. All of a sudden there were so many people in Ida's apartment. I had red wine, cider and champagne. I met Linn, an old friend of mine, in the party. Both of us we're so surprised to see each other in the same party. It was so great to see her again.
I slept over and woke up at 1 PM, I must have been really tired. I walked back home as well.
I have a little headache so I had to take a 1-hour nap. It's almost gone now. Still searching for a place to live in Stockholm.

Downton Abbey Christmas Special

OMG OMG OMG Season 4 Episode 9 is up!
I'm so ready! Tea, cookies, chocolates, candle lights - PERFECT!
I'll be back soon.

Happy Christmas!

And so this is Xmas
I hope you have fun
The near and the dear one
The old and the young

More photos coming up later.

And did I tell you that I am moving to Stockholm in January?! 

I am so psyched! :-D

By the way, is it weird that I sometimes feel like I want all my books in my bed and sleep with them? I don't know why but I do it sometimes! I just love the fact that they are many and they're all beautiful and thick! I love looking at them and touching the pages, haha! :-o :-D

Feeling better

Feeling better but not 100% and I know it because I know when I am feeling great.

So uhm . . . have I told you, my dear diary, that I have got accepted to Stockholm University? 8 of us got in and that made me feel really proud of myself. I'm quite blown away and I am feeling so much relief right now.

So there's one thought in my head that I have to write down right now. Thing is, I am not all alone in this because I have told a music friend about it too and he felt the same way. I have always thought, automatically, that whenever I listen to classical music, it makes me in some way more intelligent. That my brain, in some way, learns even if I do not know it, even if I don't want to. I am not thinking like "today I have to learn something from listening to classical music." It's not like that. It's more like subconscious.

"Känner igen det lite! Jag känner att jag hela tiden lär mig undermedvetet om melodier och skalor och sånt som är  relativt komplext i den klassiska musiken. De gamla klassiska mästarna  har ju lyckats göra något bra, varför återuppfinna hjulet när man kan ta vad de gjort och förändra det." Oh yes my friend, I could not agree more.

The Hobbit: Desolation of Smaug

Hey, dear online diary. 

I'm sorry I haven't been here so much. 

Monday - around 2 o' clock in the afternoon, I was waiting for the bus home when I suddenly felt so dizzy to the point that I cried because I felt really bad. My vision became blurry until it became black. I apparently fainted and goodness was it scary! I had never fainted in my entire life so that was something new. Didn't see that coming. The bus driver called the ambulance and they drove me to the hospital. 

Today, I was really excited to see The Hobbit in the cinema until I started feeling weird again. I started sweating yet really cold. I was afraid I would faint again so I tried my best to calm down and told myself not to faint. It sucked because I badly wanted to see the film and enjoy it but unfortunately my body did not allow that and instead made me feel bad. I could barely concentrate on the film. I asked my friend's sister if she had some water and thank God she had. I had some water and it made me feel better for a while but the bad feeling came back. I was almost teary-eyed because I did not want this. I want to feel good but I don't know what's wrong with me. I am praying and hoping that this is just my being inactive the past few weeks/months. I want to start exercising again, go out for walks. I do not want think anything negative at all. I have always been healthy so I can't be sick of anything serious. Right? Right. God will take care of me. 

Anyway as far as I can remember the film was great today and the voice of Smaug gave me the chills. The ending song was great, good job Ed Sheeran. The actors did well and I loved the she-elf ! She seemed to like Kili ~ ! Aaaahhhh they would be so cute together! 

Now I have to rest. 

Too low blood pressure

It was the first time I ever fainted in my life. First time I ever had to be in the hospital myself. I couldn't even imagine that I was actually in the hospital. That I was actually the patient. I thought I was having a dream, after being unconscious for 2-3 minutes at the bus stop. I was with my mother, thank God. What if I was all alone? I didn't know I was going to faint because I never fainted before. Now that I know, I know what to do next time. This coming Saturday we're going to watch the second The Hobbit! I and my friends are so psyched to see this wonderful film, and of course wonderful film score. It's going to be my first cinema experience, too, by the way. Haha. I have so many things that I haven't done yet, that most of the people my age have already done. I'm in bed right now. Resting. I still feel weak from yesterday's incident. I hope it will never happen again. Drink looooads of water and be active. I will probably watch LOTR part 3 today. Oh, btw, Nelson Mandela died. RIP. I still have no internet connection by the way. It must be the snowstorm. I have to fix Christmas presents soon. 

A music ad.

Note: Some things are edited out for privacy reasons.

"Hello! 

Music has always meant so much to me since the day I was born. It has become a part of me already. Now after graduating school (music) I have felt lost the whole time, thinking of what I really want to do with my life. The only thing I could ever think of doing is music. I feel like it's the only thing I really am capable of. The only thing that I really know and really can do. I've tried other things but I never really felt the joy, the warmth. But with music I get to feel that. I feel complete and it's my biggest pasion. I could never live without music and I have to do something about it, I realised. Many people have said to me that I got this thing going, and that I should never, ever stop. They really meant it, and I could feel it and see it in their eyes. I have "it," whatever it is. I believe these people and I want to believe in myself. I just don't know where to start, so I thought of writing something here. I thought this would be my "start." We have to start somewhere, and here I am. 

Anyways, thank you for taking your time. 
Message me if there's anything you'd like to say."

One beautiful reply from a random person:

"Hi there,  Just had to respond to your very touching heartfelt message. I know exactly how you feel as I've been there and I'm still there in a sense.  I'm a singer/songwriter/guitarist who has struggled to make it in music biz and I've gone down roads I probably shouldn't have done.  But the show must go on and if music's in your bones it's what you have to try and make a success of without.  I'm happy to give you some advice and ideas which can help you.  I'm not pretending I can wave a magic wand and make all your dreams come true but I think I could give you some good guidance which might save you a lot of time and heartache!  Your voice is great by the way and you're obviously a very sweet girl so I would love to help you.  All the best - don't give up!" This made me truly happy today and this simply means that I am not all alone in this. I feel very touched. I've received more replies but this one was very touching, indeed.  I've been feeling down since yesterday, until now to be honest. I just feel like I belong somewhere else, and I need to follow my heart. I need to do something, I really need to do. I have talked to one of my closest cousins who's currently in the US. I never thought we would have this chat about moving together somewhere else. We're both very open to anything right now, and we really want to find where we really belong. She feels like she wants to be in Korea, but it does not mean she doesn't want to try the UK. I really hope we'll work this out.  I was supposed to do things last night, but instead, I went to bed. I just felt weak, I felt sad, I felt helpless. I was chatting with a friend about it, but I just couldn't help but cry 'til I fell asleep. I felt like I lost all my energy because of this sadness. I don't want to use the word depressed, but I think I am. I am depressed. I woke up around 9 and still felt the same. I almost cried again. Mama and I went to church and I had the chance to play the piano again. I played non-stop, it felt good. My body felt very warm and it felt heavy. I felt like all the weight were in my fingers. My fingers just continued playing and I felt like I was in my own little bubble. I was almost in the point of bursting into tears.  Lord, help me. Lead me. Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. Matthew 6:34 Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.